Last night : a meditation.

Something absolutely unexpected happened last night.

I sat in meditation, brain-tired after another day in front of the computer.
I was buzzing with words, thoughts and images. My mind and heart worn down from the onslaught of ‘headline’news:
The earth is crying for our attention, but the mighty everywhere, in their palaces of weaponry, money and executive orders prefer spreading fear and anger.

I sat in meditation, with worry exhaling through my bones.
Slowly, my breath quietened.
And then i began to think.
With my breathing-mind, with my heart, and my belly, and my yoni, and all the tension i carry in my body and in my soul.

Suddenly, Donald Trump was before me, and my breathing-mind said, ‘i am so deeply worried about what your destructive and angry words will lead us into…and i love you.’
(‘What’s going on?!!!’ my thinking-mind woke up: ‘am i actually telling Donald Trump i love him?!’)
My breathing-mind went on, ‘Yes, i love you. Though your decisions scare and anger me, beneath it all, we are one.’

Tears welled up from my yoni, up my spine and flowed into my face.

But my breathing-mind carried on, and before i knew it, Marine Le Pen was in front of me.
(‘Oh please no, not her!’, my thinking-mind said.)
And this time, my breathing-mind spoke in French, in my father-tongue.
‘Marine, tu me fais tellement peur avec tes mots… mais je t’aime.’
Your ideology scares and saddens me so very much, and i love you, Marine.
(‘This is becoming weird’, my thinking-mind said.)
My breathing-mind inhaled and exhaled unconditional love for Donald Trump and Marine Le Pen, and my body was pleasure.
(‘Ok, i give up’, my thinking-mind said.)

My breathing-mind expanded and whirled me around the world.
I saw war and destruction, and the contorted faces of the suffering.
I saw my family and the regrets and resentments i guard like treasure.
I saw my partner sitting in front of me, and every time i find him lacking.
I saw me, and all the harsh judgement i pour into my thoughts and words to myself.

For a few breaths i sat in unconditional love, in full-being orgasm, connected to every living being.
And then, life took over. My breathing-mind went quieter.
Slowly, my awareness was pulled into other directions; the numbness in my left ankle, the tension in my shoulders.
My body was a tingle of pleasure. My thinking-mind was high:

We do not have to live in an either/or world.
We are textured and layered beings.
We can look at our wounded Earth and our beautiful, destructive, insane and inspired humanity…and be compassionately saddened, angered and indignant.
Deep inside, our breathing-mind is also our breathing-body and our breathing-soul. And it is a space of unconditional love.
Whether we like it or not. Whether we know it or not.

Later on that night, i met two angels in my dreams. I call them angels because the words fail me. I could also call them presence. Or glow. Or shine.
There was a woman and a man. I stood facing them, and their smiles were radiant and infinitely benevolent.
My viewpoint shifted, and suddenly i was watching myself from afar: the sky was dusk, and i could see myself talking with something that looked like a ball of soft shine.
What did we speak about? My waking mind can no longer remember. Does it matter?

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat hungover and bewildered, happiness blowing tiny bubbles in my cells.
When i read the news today, everything looked different.
No less worrisome, saddening, maddening and unjust.
But inside, the voice of fear was also the voice of love.

 

 

(thank you Matthew Henry for the photograph.)

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